第135章
instead of receiving any such letter of excuse from his friend, as elizabeth half expected mrbingley to do,he was able to bring darcy with him to longbourn before many days had passed after lady catherine"s visitthe gentlemen arrived early;and,before mrsben had time to tell him of their having seen his aunt, of which her daughter sat in momentary dread, bingley, who wanted to be alone with jane,proposed their all walking outit was agreed tomrsben was not in the habit of walking;mary could never spare time; but the remaining five set off together bingley and jane, however, soon allowed the others to outstrip themthey lagged behind,while elizabeth,kitty,and darcy were to entertain each othervery little was said by either;kitty was too much afraid of him to talk;elizabeth was secretly forming a desperate resolution;and perhaps he might be doing the same
they walked towards the lucases, because kitty wished to call upon maria; and as elizabeth saw no occasion for making it a general concern, when kitty left them she went boldly on with him alone now was the moment for her resolution to be executed,and,while her courage was high,she immediately said:“mr darcy, i am a very selfish creature; and, for the sake of giving relief to my own feelings, care not how much i may be wounding yours i can no longer help thanking you for your unexampled kindness to my poor sisterever since i have known it,i have been most anxious to acknowledge to you how gratefully i feel itwere it known to the rest of my family,i should not have merely my own gratitude to express”
“i am sorry, exceedingly sorry,”replied darcy, in a tone of surprise and emotion,“that you have ever been informed of what may, in a mistaken light, have given you uneasiness i did not think mrsgardiner was so little to be trusted”
“you must not blame my aunt lydia"s thoughtlessness first betrayed to me that you had been concerned in the matter;and,of course,i could not rest till i knew the particularslet me thank you again and again,in the name of all my family,for that generous passion which induced you to take so much trouble,and bear so many mortifications,for the sake of discovering them”
“if you will thank me,”he replied,“let it be for yourself alone that the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on,i shall not attempt to denybut your family owe me nothingmuch as i respect them,i believe i thought only of you”
elizabeth was too much embarrassed to say a wordafter a short pause,her panion added,“you are too generous to trifle with meif your feelings are still what they were last april,tell me so at oncemy affections and wishes are unchanged,but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever”
elizabeth, feeling all the more than mon awkwardness and anxiety of his situation, now forced herself to speak; and immediately, though not very fluently, gave him to understand that her sentiments had undergone so material a change,since the period to which he alluded,as to make her receive with gratitude and pleasure his present assurancesthe happiness which this reply produced,was such as he had probably never felt before;and he expressed himself on the occasion as sensibly and as warmly as a man violently in love can be supposed to dohad elizabeth been able to encounter his eye,she might have seen how well the expression of heartfelt delight, diffused over his face, became him;but,though she could not look,she could listen,and he told her of feelings,which,in proving of what importance she was to him,made his affection every moment more valuable
they walked on, without knowing in what directionthere was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects she soon learnt that they were indebted for their present good understanding to the efforts of his aunt,who did call on him in her return through london, and there relate her journey to longbourn, its motive, and the substance of her conversation with elizabeth;dwelling emphatically on every expression of the latter which, in her ladyship"s apprehension, peculiarly denoted her perverseness and assurance; in the belief that such a relation must assist her endeavours to obtain that promise from her nephew which she had refused to givebut,unluckily for her ladyship,its effect had been exactly contrariwise
“it taught me to hope,”said he,“as i had scarcely ever allowed myself to hope beforei knew enough of your disposition to be certain that,had you been absolutely,irrevocably decided against me,you would have acknowledged it to lady catherine,frankly and openly”
elizabeth coloured and laughed as she replied,“yes,you know enough of my frankness to believe me capable of that after abusing you so abominably to your face,i could have no scruple in abusing you to all your relations”
“what did you say of me,that i did not deservefor,though your accusations were ill-founded,formed on mistaken premises, my behaviour to you at the time had merited the severest reproof it was unpardonablei cannot think of it without abhorrence”
“we will not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to that evening,”said elizabeth“the conduct of neither,if strictly examined,will be irreproachable;but since then,we have both,i hope,improved in civility”
“i cannot be so easily reconciled to myselfthe recollection of what i then said,of my conduct,my manners,my expressions during the whole of it, is now, and has been many months, inexpressibly painful to meyour reproof,so well applied,i shall never forget:"had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner" those were your wordsyou know not,you can scarcely conceive, how they have tortured me;—though it was some time,i confess, before i was reasonable enough to allow their justice”