第77章

    “fitzwilliam darcy”

    if elizabeth, when mr darcy gave her the letter, did not expect it to contain a renewal of his offers, she had formed no expectation at all of its contentsbut such as they were,it may well be supposed how eagerly she went through them,and what a contrariety of emotion they excitedher feelings as she read were scarcely to be definedwith amazement did she first understand that he believed any apology to be in his power;and steadfastly was she persuaded, that he could have no explanation to give, which a just sense of shame would not concealwith a strong prejudice against everything he might say,she began his account of what had happened at herfieldshe read with an eagerness which hardly left her power of prehension, and from impatience of knowing what the next sentence might bring,was incapable of attending to the sense of the one before her eyeshis belief of her sister’s insensibility she instantly resolved to be false;and his account of the real, the worst objections to the match, made her too angry to have any wish of doing him justice he expressed no regret for what he had done which satisfied her;his style was not penitent,but haughtyit was all pride and insolence

    but when this subject was succeeded by his account of mr wickham—when she read with somewhat clearer attention a relation of events which,if true,must overthrow every cherished opinion of his worth,and which bore so alarming an affinity to his own history of himself—her feelings were yet more acutely painful and more difficult of definitionastonishment,apprehension,and even horror, oppressed her she wished to discredit it entirely, repeatedly exclaiming,“this must be false! this cannot be! this must be the grossest falsehood!”—and when she had gone through the whole letter, though scarcely knowing anything of the last page or two,put it hastily away,protesting that she would not regard it,that she would never look in it again

    in this perturbed state of mind,with thoughts that could rest on nothing,she walked on;but it would not do;in half a minute the letter was unfolded again,and collecting herself as well as she could,she again began the mortifying perusal of all that related to wickham, and manded herself so far as to examine the meaning of every sentencethe account of his connection with the pemberley family was exactly what he had related himself;and the kindness of the late mrdarcy,though she had not before known its extent,agreed equally well with his own wordsso far each recital confirmed the other;but when she came to the will, the difference was greatwhat wickham had said of the living was fresh in her memory, and as she recalled his very words, it was impossible not to feel that there was gross duplicity on one side or the other; and, for a few moments, she flattered herself that her wishes did not errbut when she read and re-read with the closest attention, the particulars immediately following of wickham"s resigning all pretensions to the living,of his receiving in lieu so considerable a sum as three thousand pounds,again was she forced to hesitate she put down the letter, weighed every circumstance with what she meant to be impartiality—deliberated on the probability of each statement—but with little success on both sides it was only assertionagain she read on;but every line proved more clearly that the affair,which she had believed it impossible that any contrivance could so represent as to render mrdarcy"s conduct in it less than infamous,was capable of a turn which must make him entirely blameless throughout the whole

    the extravagance and general profligacy which he scrupled not to lay at mrwickham"s charge, exceedingly shocked her;the more so,as she could bring no proof of its injusticeshe had never heard of him before his entrance into the—shire militia, in which he had engaged at the persuasion of the young man who,on meeting him accidentally in town,had there renewed a slight acquaintanceof his former way of life nothing had been known in hertfordshire but what he told himselfas to his real character,had information been in her power,she had never felt a wish of inquiring his countenance, voice, and manner had established him at once in the possession of every virtue she tried to recollect some instance of goodness,some distinguished trait of integrity or benevolence,that might rescue him from the attacks of mrdarcy;or at least,by the predominance of virtue, atone for those casual errors under which she would endeavour to class what mrdarcy had described as the idleness and vice of many years" continuancebut no such recollection befriended her she could see him instantly before her,in every charm of air and address;but she could remember no more substantial good than the general approbation of the neighbourhood, and the regard which his social powers had gained him in the messafter pausing on this point a considerable while, she once more continued to read but, alas! the story which followed, of his designs on miss darcy, received some confirmation from what had passed between colonel fitzwilliam and herself only the morning before;and at last she was referred for the truth of every particular to colonel fitzwilliam himself—from whom she had previously received the information of his near concern in all his cousin"s affairs, and whose character she had no reason to question at one time she had almost resolved on applying to him,but the idea was checked by the awkwardness of the application, and at length wholly banished by the conviction that mrdarcy would never have hazarded such a proposal,if he had not been well assured of his cousin"s corroboration